Cast a Spell on Doubt

The heart of spellwork is creating a clear intention. Out of the muddle of our contradictory desires, we pluck this dream, clothe it in specifics, and set it on the altar. Magic has power because it requires a clear choice. “I want love, now” or “I want freedom, now”. I don’t cast spells very often–my spiritual life consists mostly of celebrations. But once in a while, I do magic to strengthen my connection to the future I seek.

I have been transforming into a writer of books and songs. I use spellwork to support me on this journey. Do you know what you want, with enough certainty to work magic for it? The obstacle to gaining what we desire is less often people or circumstances. It is more often ourselves. If you want to cast a spell that will bring change, cast it on your own doubt.

Ritual option 1: A letter from your Nudge Goddess

Try this: Cast a simple circle. You don’t even have to get out of your chair, just imagine the circle around you. Open a blank document or get pen and paper ready. Now, become the voice of your spirit guide or one of the deities that guards you. Let the protective, somewhat bossy part of yourself speak to your doubts.  Write it all down, however it comes out. You know what you need to hear right now. When you are finished, release your circle. Put what you have written on your altar or where you will see it frequently. Revisit it every week for as long as it takes. So mote it be.

I did this a decade ago and this is what my inner Nudge Goddess said:

“Why should you not write, Alane? Life is full of so much meaninglessly wasted time. How much more worthy to capture those moments for the sake of creation. It is not selfishness, Alane.  How fortunate your creative children will be when they leave you.  They go knowing that your life is bursting with juices of  blackberry and persimmon, of pleasure and pain that you cook up in words to make into jam that may be spread across the dry toast of the dreary days of others. Can you share your strength? Can you show your empathy? Someone will write the book that the librarian chooses for the Books on Wheels library that brings ideas to the deaf woman in the house with the faded curtains and the smell of dust. Why shouldn’t it be you? What is the point of being a woman in America where it is actually possible for a vulva-person to express herself, and fail to use this power? I believe in you, Alane. I will call you every week and remind you that your words have weight and value. I want to read them. Oh, please Alane, stumble forth fearlessly.”

And I did. I’ve written over a hundred songs. Some of them have been recorded by the Crow Women. Here’s a Spotify playlist that’s entirely songs written and produced by magical, musical persistent me.

And I have many non-musical children, too. I love them all. A couple of years ago I decided to see whether other people would find them loveable, too. I submitted a whole playground’s worth of poems and short stories to the Southwest Writer’s writing contest .

I really had a LOT of doubts. But I did my magic and I did my work.

Eight pieces won awards!

Here’s a poem that won 1^st pace in the “Humor” category. Just a piece of fluff, but the judges liked it.

Eighteen-wheelers

The beasts of the highway, charging on
In an endless race
Dominating the lanes of highways and roads
At a breakneck pace

They live the life of the open road
Grazing on diesel gas
Eager to run in their packs and herds
Honking when I pass

Monsters of national transportation
Carrying loads on their backs
Of food and goods and endless stuff
That people feel they lack

They patiently struggle in lowered gear
When toiling up the mountains
Then stampede down with smoking brakes
Their love of speed rebounding

Resting in pastures of trucker’s stops
They sleep huddled together
Then roar out onto the road once more
In every kind of weather

Stop for a moment to honor the labor
Of these magnificent creatures
Roaming their interstate habitat
America’s eighteen-wheelers

I’m not mentioning these things to brag. Well, not much. My point is that magic works. It helps you quit undermining yourself. Magic helps you get on your own side.

Ritual, option 2: walk with a pebble

Here’s another suggestion for working with doubt.

Preparation

Find a pebble that looks like your doubts. Take your time with this. Look around and find a little bitty stone that cries out to be part of this ritual. You’re going to put it in your shoe and go for a walk, so it needs to be small. You want to be able to feel it, but it shouldn’t be something that will give you a blister or damage your feet.

Altar setup

On your altar, put your regular tools, plus something to represent the thing you have doubts about. For me, it’s a business card that declares I’m a writer. Like this:

Place your symbolic object on the altar and the pebble, as well. Let them hang out there for at least a day, so they can absorb your hopes and your angst, respectively.

Musical theater fans, if this seems strangely familiar, it’s because I got the idea from the lyrics of the lovely song “By My Side” from the musical Godspell. Inspiration sneaks in from unlikely places. I used to sing that song when I was a teenaged worship leader in Youth Church. I learned a lot of priestess skills that way. Nothing we do is wasted.

To paraphrase:

I’ll put a pebble in my shoe
And watch me walk
I can walk, I can walk
I shall call the pebble Doubt
We will talk about walking
Doubt shall be carried
And when we both have had enough
I will take him from my shoe, singing:
“Meet your new road!”

slightly altered version of “By My Side” music by Peggy Gordon, lyrics by Jay Hamburger

When your symbol and pebble have simmered long enough on your altar (and you have time to go for a walk) it’s time to do the magic.

Walking with your doubts

Go to your altar. Purify the altar and its contents and especially yourself with sage smoke or whatever is your custom. Cast a portable circle. Kiss your symbol goodbye for now and leave it on the altar.

Put the pebble in your shoe, don the shoe and go for a walk together. If it feels right, listen to your doubt. Notice how it has tried to protect you. Remember, fear has its purposes. Thank it for its past service but be firm in letting it know that you no longer need it.

Look along your path for a good place to leave your doubt behind. Let it go in the way that feels right in the moment. Perhaps you throw it as far away as you can. Casting doubt into a body of water is a great choice. Or, perhaps you set it down gently. Maybe you even bury it in the ground so Mother Earth can compost the energy it carries. Whatever you do is your own sacred choice.

Seal the magic

As you return to your altar, feel the lightness in your body as you walk along. Smile to yourself and to anyone you meet. You are starting a new journey with these steps.

Back at your altar, take your symbol of that which you seek and hold it against yourself, wherever it feels right—against your heart or head or belly. You can rub it all over yourself if you want to! Make space within and let hope fill you. If words come to you to greet your hope, say them. Or perhaps spend some time in silence.

Raise energy for your dreams

Now it’s time to dance it out.

Here’s a song to play, direct to you from Karen Drucker, the Queen of Affirmations. Dance around by your altar. Sing along.

Now the magic is complete. Release any deities and elementals you’ve brought in, uncast the circle and return to mundane reality, bringing your determination with you.

Then just do it.

Doubts can be sticky

Doubt is like those goathead seeds that get stuck in your socks. If the doubts cling to you, you can repeat either of these spells as many times as you wish. Change takes time. But doing this kind of magic works. It works because you are instructing yourself in what you want in your life. Listen to you. You are wise.

For more information about the Crow Women pagan choir, and access to all the blog posts by Alane and the other 9 crowsingers who have written for Pagan Song, you can visit the Crow Women author page here on Pagan Song.

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cover photo of pebble by John Doyle on Unsplash