Aphrodite Rising: Go Love Yourself

This is the fourth and final episode of my self-care series for pagans. We’ve been around the Wheel of the Year now, with Aphrodite at our side, and a specially crafted playlist of music to move to each season. We began in spring, with Aphrodite Rising: Spring Fever. The wheel turned, and I gave you Aphrodite Rising: Summer of Love. In autumn, my post was Aprodite Rising: Falling for Yourself. In this post, let’s explore the sensual side of soul work. Yes, we keep coming back to same refrain: love yourself.

You want to be a better witch, a better priestess, a better lover, a better person, a better artist or writer or teacher? Go fuck yourself. No, I’m serious. Get yourself off–then we can begin. You must leave yourself breathless, trembling. You are the one true lover you’re always dreamed of. You must be beauty and the beast, Snow White and her Prince Charming.

There is no one coming to save us, witches. Fortunately, we have everything we need to rescue ourselves- it’s just that some of us have forgotten how, and need to be reminded.

Telling my own fairy tale

Step into the Darkling Wood. I have a tale to tell…

Once upon a time, there was a girl so scared of love that she locked herself in a high tower, far away from the wiles of the men that wooed her. Her nights were long and lonely, at first. She wore away the hours, reading by the light of a single candle. She played her lute until her fingers bled. She watched the clouds.

The moon was her lover, inconstant and mysterious. When he left her there, bereft, in darkness, she cursed him and swore to stop her mad affair. But when the moon returned to her night sky, she could not look away, and was enchanted all over again.

Slowly, she learned that he always returned to grace her bed-chamber. Slowly, she learned to trust his mysterious cycles of light and dark; closeness and distance; intimacy and absence.

Slowly, she learned to love the darkness of those long, lonely nights without her celestial lover. She learned to love herself, and please herself. She began to shine in her own way, with her own light. When she learned to shine bright enough, the man in the moon returned to her, and it was as if they had never been apart. (It was always this way, with them.)

He told her, “Your light is wondrous to behold.” When she asked why he retreated into darkness, leaving her alone, he laughed. “I am with you, even when there is no light at all. Sometimes, I go dark when I miss you most- all the better to see you shine.” Her love was like the sun- fierce and fiery; undeniable; constant. It was her first thought on waking, and the last thought that graced her mind before sleep. And, though she knew it not, he had been missing her just as much as she ached for him.

Sacred Spaces

Winter is a fierce and exacting season. It’s all about survival. Loving yourself fiercely is necessary for survival. Protect what is yours; your time, your resources, your energy. Learn to say no to the things that drain you, suck your time, and make you feel half-dead. The magic of saying no is essential, especially this time of year. Family obligations, holiday parties, and socializing can feel like a chore. If you find yourself dreading something… just don’t go. Make your excuses- get creative if you have to. This is about defending your time and space, defending your energy and life-force, so that you can heal, rest, and grow strong.

Need some inspiration to be fierce anough to say no when you need to? Listen to this.

From PJ Harvey to Gin Wigmore, there are many fierce female voices you can tune into, to channel your passion. Check out Arkona, by Liki Bessmertnykh Bogov. It’s a dark invocation to the divine. This powerful piece exemplifies the best of Pagan Metal, and frontwoman Masha Scream is truly a force of nature.

This is a fantastic time to start (or continue) culling out household items that no longer serve your vision for the life you want to live. Got plenty? No doubt there’s someone who needs it, so pass it on. Everyone knows someone who is struggling right now. Mutual Aid networks help connect givers with folks in need; it’s a nice way to help someone directly if you don’t like the idea of donating to a thrift store. A clothing exchange or give-away party is another way to benefit the community; essentially, everyone brings something to give away, and can then take anything they need.

Sometimes, people need more help than we can offer; or they need so much that we can’t do everything we’d like to do to fix their lives for them. Just do the best you can. Remember, you can’t give water from an empty well. Time spent tending your own garden is never wasted. Make your home into your stronghold; the very seat of your passion and power. The stronger you are, the more you can do for yourself- and your community. A wise witch feeds herself first.

Tending the Flame

Keeping body and soul together is winter work. Forced inside by bad weather, our bodies long for release. Our minds turn inward, and we find time for quieter pursuits like cooking, sewing, making art, and reading. Big projects take shape in the months of winter, aching to be born.

Loving yourself properly begins with the body. Especially in winter, it can be difficult to love your body. Some days, it feels more like a hindrance, a chore. My back aches; I don’t want to clean the house. It’s freezing out; I don’t want to shovel more snow! My allergies are acting up; I don’t want to go anywhere. Uh-oh, I’m feeling a few symptoms- better get tested. I invite you to be gentle with yourself during these dark times. If all you did today was survive, it was enough. Start simply. Are you getting the basics- enough food, water, and rest? From there, you can take a look at what else might be lacking.

When it’s too dark and cold to get out to exercise, you can dance it out in your home. Movement lifts mood. Moving to music is another way to make love to yourself. Here’s a winter exercise playlist to get your body moving…

We all need affection. In these strange, socially-distanced times, I find myself longing for the simple comfort of touch. I live alone- a state of grace which I treasure, mostly. But sometimes, I just need a hug. Or an orgasm. Or both. The man in my moon is taking his sweet time in returning to me. In the meantime, I know I need to love myself and let my light shine bright.

Do whatever you need to do, to make yourself feel sexy- a sensual night of sacred solo pleasure is just what the doctor ordered! Create sacred space. Cleanse yourself and your boudoir with smoke, salt, and water. Candles, music, and incense provide ambience to set the tone for your journey. Put on your favorite lingerie. Slow-dance with yourself; make love until you’re breathless.

Spirit and Shadow

Winter is the perfect season to slow down, take stock, re-evaluate, and plan for the year ahead. In doing so, I found that I needed a project to focus my mind and spirit, to get me through the cold months ahead. This year, I will be doing a deep dive into Clarissa Pinkola Estes’ classic, Women Who Run with the Wolves, a part of my spiritual journey. Studying the text and the stories therein, I hope to gain wisdom, strength, and a new perspective on life.

I started by getting rid of things I don’t need or use. This freed up physical space and spiritual energy for the next phase. Reconfiguring and rearranging my space, and doing a deep-clean, room by room, was the next logical step. Dismantling my old altars, cleaning my ritual tools and altar cloths, and setting an intention for the new year helps focus my magickal energy. As part of my book study project, I want to really dig into the meat of the text and gain a deeper understanding of the old stories.

Wanting to read different versions of the same tale, I gathered all of my books on fairy tales and fables, arranging them on a secondary altar for the project. I’m also planning to incorporate Tarot readings into the project at some point, so I also gathered all of my Tarot decks and arrayed them on the altar for easy reference. I created a special Book of Shadows just for this project, and have begun to create mixed media art, poetry, and stories of my own, inspired by the symbols and archetypes of the tales in Women Who Run with the Wolves.

I soon realized that the massive scope of this undertaking could quickly overwhelm me, freezing me in place, unable to go on. So, I broke down the project in a detailed list that allows me to tackle manageable bite-sized tasks instead. This allows me to make incremental progress each day, always moving forward, inward, going deeper; while staying focused on my end goal. If I stay true to my intentions, this project will completely transform my life on all levels- mind, body, and spirit. It encompasses a complete reshuffling of my home library; a deep clean and purge of my apartment; and a spiritual journey and initiation of my own design. I move forward with renewed confidence.

This past year of self-love has made me more capable, stronger, and more resilient than I ever imagined. I am an ocean; I contain multitudes. And I’m ready to dive in…

I Am From

I am from the place
no roads go
I am from the country of dreams
sent here
to tell my tales