Aphrodite Rising: Falling for Yourself

Self love has never been more important. The past few months have been a roller-coaster of dizzying highs and desolate lows. Desperate to find a port in the storm of my emotions, I hacked away at my job, burying myself in work. But- though I love my job and find it very fulfilling- work wasn’t enough to save me. Seeing no white knight in shining armor on the horizon, I realized that, once again, I needed to rescue myself. 

I’m admittedly my own worst enemy. I have a long history of depression. When I go out of the blue and into the black, I have to navigate carefully. Overthinking, anxiety, and sadness threaten to overwhelm me. I was entranced by dark thoughts about the pointlessness of life, and I often thought that anything would be better than continuing to exist in so much pain. After wallowing in darkness for far too long, I began to feel something change at last. After a season of rain, the fire returned to my soul. I created some rules to live by, to help me move through life in a happier, healthier way. 

Sacred Spaces

Happiness isn’t always about how you feel. It’s about what you do. I call this “working from the outside in”. When I feel like hell, there are a few things I can do to change my environment that calm my spirit and center me. 

Smudging with sage, burning some incense, and lighting candles around the room are an effective way to create a more positive atmosphere. Your favorite music, soft lighting, or a recording of nature sounds add a relaxing ambience. 

A couple of my “Happy List” rules apply to the home environment- making my bed every morning gives me a concrete goal that I can achieve in under five minutes, so I can start the day with a feeling of accomplishment. It’s a good way to change the energy of your bedroom after a restless night. Changing the linens and turning the mattress is a good idea when you need a reset after being sick, going through a break-up, or experiencing a similar calamity.

Creating sacred space in the home environment is also about what you don’t do. Limiting screen time and staying off of social media after 9:00 p.m. are important components of my “Happy List.” Before imposing these rules on myself, I wasted a lot of time- and lost a lot of sleep- due to social media. Nothing good can come of obsessing over the doom scroll of Facebook and Instagram into the wee hours of the night. 

Now, I try to keep most of my social media exposure limited to daylight hours. I’ve also changed the focus and intent of my online time, focusing on networking for professional reasons and discovering inspiring content to fuel my creative fire. I joined a couple of new groups, purged my friends list, and mercilessly blocked anyone who cost me my peace of mind. Autumn is a time to re-assess, harvest, take stock, and cull out what you don’t need before the long lenten season of winter. 

With this in mind, I encourage you to take a look at your relationship with yourself, and your relationships with others. Are you taking the time to connect with yourself, your deities and guides on a daily basis? Are you showing up for yourself- and others- in an authentic way? Who is your support system? You need people you can call in an emergency; your ride-or-die bitches; folks who have your back no matter what. 

If you’re not in a relationship, all those cozy fall holiday parties and activities can feel more like a burden than a blessing. Go through your calendar, and cull out any event that isn’t necessary or fun. Going forward, schedule only the things you’re actually looking forward to, with people who inspire you and feed your soul. Before scheduling anything in person, explore your virtual options. I always ask myself a few key questions before I put something on my calendar- can I attend virtually? Do I really need to be there in person? Could this meeting/event happen virtually? Would a group email or chat be just as effective as scheduling yet another Zoom meeting? 

I guard my free time fiercely, because a lot of it isn’t really free. Juggling multiple jobs, side hustles, volunteering gigs, and writing projects keeps me plenty busy, thank you very much. That’s not even mentioning the third shift: housework and errands. Because I’m not coupled up in the traditional sense, that all falls on my shoulders. As a single Queen, living her best life in a dystopian nightmare, where landlords insist on raising the rent even in the midst of a deadly pandemic, it’s all about the hustle. We’re out here just trying to survive, y’all. 

Because we’re all under an extraordinary amount of extra stress this fall, I encourage you to do whatever you can to bring a little nature into your home- and to get off the couch and get outside as often as you can. Adding a Mabon centerpiece of fall flowers or fruits to the table, or bringing in fresh cut flowers or beautiful dried leaves to add to your altar, adds a touch of autumn to celebrate the witch’s high holidays. Fall is my favorite time of year- it’s been a cruel summer indeed, and I’m ready to move into a new season, leaving the smoke and madness of summer behind. 

Creating a healthy sleep routine is key to help you get enough rest, no matter the season. Put your phone down and read a book, listen to music, take a bubble bath, or give a few moments to prayer and meditation every evening before bed. What’s your bedtime ritual? 

After my nightly shower, I spend time reading in bed. Honestly, silencecreeps me out, so I’ve always got some music or nature sounds in the background. Lately, I’ve been listening to train sounds, thunderstorms or other natural sounds until I’m too sleepy to read. After turning off the light, I’ll listen to a sleep story on the Calm app, to avoid overthinking and anxiety. If I have something to focus on besides my racing thoughts, I sleep better. 

Aromatherapy can be a nice way to relax in the evening. Just add a few drops of lavender essential oil to some water, and bottle it in a small spray bottle to create a simple linen spray that will help you chill out! Spritz on your pillows and sheets when you change the linens, and before bed.

Tending the Flame

My “Happy List” has replaced my bucket list. I’m learning that if I just show up, perfectly imperfect, raw and real, something magical happens. Engaging my body joyfully in things I love to do makes me happier and healthier, and more energetic. Frequent walks and dance breaks throughout the day keep me focused. I don’t have to train for a marathon, max out, or run five miles a day- I don’t have to be perfect. I just have to show up and do my best. 

Since I work from home, I often find that a change of scene really does the trick. Getting out of the house for a quick walk around the block is a tonic for the soul. Here’s a killer playlist to get you out of your head and get you moving! This playlist is a little longer than usual, to push you a little harder! Adding another ten minutes to your walk or workout is a tonic for the body, mind and soul. 

As you walk, I encourage you to find somewhere safe to be barefoot, and just spend a few moments walking with your toes in the grass. Feel the dead leaves crunch beneath your toes. Smell the crispness, the hint of chimney smoke and harvest-time. For inspiration, listen to “The Earth is our Mother” and make particular notes of the lyrics of the chant- “Her sacred ground we walk upon, with every step we take.” 

“The Earth Is Our Mother” can be played in the background during a ritual, for the tech-savvy. It’s also easy enough to learn, so it could be performed pretty quickly with a few practice rounds. This is a simple song you and your circle can learn and use at Mabon or Samhain to raise energy!Many pagan artists have recorded this song, but I like the upbeat version by KIVA, on their album Mother Wisdom.

Here are the lyrics:

“The earth is our mother, we must take care of her.
Hey yonga, ho yonga, hey yong yong
Her sacred ground we walk upon with every step we take.
Hey yonga, ho yonga, hey yong yong.

The sky is our father, we must take care of him.
Hey yonga, ho yonga, hey yong yong
His sacred air we breathe in, with every breath we take.
Hey yonga, ho yonga, hey yong yong.”

Spending time in nature, working in your garden, going for a hike, and taking a picnic lunch to your favorite park are amazing ways to incorporate the beauty and wonder of nature into your daily routine. Stuck in the city? Bring nature home with you in the form of fresh-cut flowers and new houseplants for your altar, grow a few herbs in a window-box, or grab some yummy produce from the local farmers’ market. 

YouTube and other sites have a ton of videos and playlists of nature sounds that make a nice background soundtrack for your day. Nature programs can provide a change of scene for your screen. Inspiring content like documentaries, art, and music are an important part of my day. I try to break up screen time with frequent little walks, dance breaks, errands, and housework or other chores, rather than just binge-watching the next episode. Our dark, intense and moody autumn Spotify playlist (above) features songs to help you connect to the Earth and celebrate Mabon and Samhain. I like to play it in the background as I work magick, play with one of my Tarot decks, or change the focus and intent of my altars for a new season of darkness, creativity, introspection, and ending the inner flame. 

My Crowe sisters and I find that the dark holidays of autumn are a good catalyst for accepting the darker side of our pagan spirituality, connecting with our loved ones- living and dead- and finding and tending the inner flame as the wheel of the year turns.

One of my favorite things to do in nature is build a campfire. When I’m stuck at home, but I still want that same energy, I’ll turn on one of the Netflix “Fireplace for Your Home” videos that are popular around the holidays, and curl up in front of the virtual fire to read a good book!

Spirit and Shadow

Fall is the perfect time to take stock; gather your blessings and count them up. One of the most important things I have done for myself this year is to focus on self-love. That journey is still a work in progress, but I’m making headway every day. Each time I open my journal to doodle, I’m taking a step forward. Every story, every song, every poem, every prayer is an affirmation of life; I am here. I exist. I must make my mark upon the world. 

Isn’t that what we all want, in one way or another–to create a lasting legacy, so we’re remembered after we’re gone? Autumn is also a time to honor our mighty dead; with Samhain approaching, you may wish to create a special altar with things that remind you of your ancestors and friends that have passed on. Photos, mementos, music and ritual are ways to feel closer to those beloved spirits, if you’re not able to visit their gravesite or memorial. Another way to honor them is by cooking one of their favorite recipes, or enjoying a favorite beverage in their honor, with a symbolic glass on the altar to represent their place in your heart. After, you can use it as a libation to the spirits.

Creating a “Happy List” and trying to live by it has created appreciable improvements in my life- so much so, that I notice a dip in my mood when I’ve strayed too far from my path and my purpose. 

I know why I’m here- to live hard, and love harder, to make love and make art, and write it all down. The most important components of my “Happy List” are daily prayers to the Goddess, and taking time to work in my art journal every day. These routines have become a sort of touchstone for me. 

I realized that I was avoiding writing in my fancy blank journals because I didn’t want to mess them up, so I switched to cheap composition notebooks that I can scribble in any which way, and that has made all the difference. 

Journals demand something from us- important noteworthy events, philosophical ponderings, neat handwriting… it can start to feel like an assignment. But those little composition books are another story. They let me just show up as is, imperfect, on a bad hair day, with a pile of dirty dishes festering in the sink. There’s no pressure to impress, no feeling that I’ll be graded on it later.

I create joy on those pages, I let out the rage and the poison, the stress and frustration, the worry, anxiety and fear… and then I can let it go, and feel more at peace. My only rule is I have to do something every day. Even if it’s just a couple of doodles, a list of little things I love about myself, or a collage made from stickers and stamps. 

It’s incredibly freeing, to show up and destroy the page, with zero expectations of doing anything good or worthwhile- or even legible. It’s important that we have space in our lives for the imperfect days, the days when we’re phoning it in, the days when we know nothing is going right. 

There is such a rush to compete- to be the best and brightest, to create the most perfect things and then monetize them, causing our creativity to become just another product to buy and sell. I say this- do it badly, do it for free, do it selfishly, do it just for you, make the art that nobody but you will ever see. That is how we practice-makes-perfect our lives back together when things fall apart, you see. When you sit down with just yourself and the page, and you are, finally, enough. 

I want to share my “Happy List”:

Be Happy, Do Happy

Write and make art daily
Make my bed every morning
No social media after 9:00 p.m.
Daily walks and dance breaks
Spend more time in nature
Spoil myself- I deserve it!
Cut down on screen time
Inspiring content- documentaries, art, literature, and music
Pray to the Goddess

I’m curious to know, what’s on your list? Leave a comment and let me know!