Changes

As I sat trying to make a final decision on what to write about for this blog, I came back again and again to changes. It feels like the world is spinning at an incredibly fast pace. Changes come at us from a million different directions. About the best we can do is hold on to the reins and try not to get thrown. If your life is anything like mine, sometimes it’s hard to tell if you’ve got the reins or the slip knot of a noose in your hands, and it turns out sometimes they are exactly the same thing.

We are moving through the harvest seasons already this year. Seems like we were just sitting in the dead of winter waiting for the return of the sun, longing for its warmth and light. Now, if you live in the deep south like I do, you are longing for the cooler days. This is the time of the year that makes me long to live in a much cooler climate. Days of 100-plus temperatures lay out before me in a seemingly endless line. Outside activities occur early in the morning, or after the sun sets, or if you’re lucky in a cool pool located somewhere nearby. This never means a swimming pool round here, but a hidden gem of blissfully cool water still catching the last remnants of mountain run off. Or, if you’re lucky, a nearby lake to take a breath and cool off.

Everything in the south has now entered its final baking. Already the leaves are falling in record numbers as the trees try desperately to stay alive. However I am reminded daily as all my hard work in the garden dies away, that this too will change. And in a short while I will be sitting in front of my wood stove, happily awaiting the change again. Soon the fall and winter garden will go in, and the cycle continues. Ever changing, but in rhythms we all know and come to expect.

Even as our climate and our world crashes around us, we change with it. Walking the new learning curve, like a freshly dropped calf finding its feet for the first time. It’s always through this heat of the year that my creativity just begins to stagnate like a puddle full of tadpoles with no room to swim. Ideas and thoughts race around my head, constantly bumping into one another, but never coming to full form. I remind myself of the words of my Aunt Desso, “It’s too hot, time to come in and have a rest”. That does not always just apply to our bodies.

Change is a part of our daily lives, and while I try to cling tightly to old ways and understandings, I realize and accept that change will come. I can learn to ride the waves and adjust, pointing my kayak straight into them, or float along sideways till the waves push and capsize the whole dang thing. I’ve gotten to be a much better oarsman over the years, and learned slowly to navigate the waters around me.

This year specifically many of us are holding our breath on most days, and waiting hopefully optimistic on the rest. I spent much of this spring and summer on the road. It has been a whirlwind ride of happiness and joy. I have spent a great deal of time with my fellow musicians and I have no qualms admitting what a balm it has been to my soul. There is something of the miraculous in time spent with folks that share so many of the same passions. While we all have our own style and flare, we all come together as a family. A family that I happen to be incredibly thankful for, every single day. Through our changing lives, we grow and expand, and contract and come back in.

I am learning more and more. and creating within myself the changes that need to happen to give myself more fully to my music. Letting go of fear and the dreaded “imposter syndrome”. Realizing that in my bones I will always be a country girl, navigating a world that doesn’t always look kindly on that, but all I can be is who I am. I’ve found that I like myself pretty dang good. I am also fortunate to have a bushel basket full of people who support, encourage and call me out on bullshit when needed. The truth is, we all need that, and if you think you don’t, let me go on ahead and call bullshit now.

Change is terrifying but also necessary sometimes. I like to say, “if I ain’t learning, I ain’t living”. Lots of times at the periods of biggest change is when we learn the most. For me it holds true every time. Life hands me a great big change, I dig through the fallout and usually find something to take away from it. Sometimes I get a little damaged digging through the rubble, but still there I am, hands in with no gloves, sifting through the mess in search of the gold.

I reckon the best piece of advice I can give anyone is to be sure and find the joy. The small joys in a cup of coffee or the brewing of your favorite tea. Mayhaps sitting quietly with a ball of yarn or an embroidery hoop. Of course, I realize not everyone is currently trying to reach their highest level in “granny hobbies” as I am. But, hey maybe give it a try. These changes are coming for us, and there is no way of getting out of this thing alive. We’re all just swimming upstream together, so find you a school of fish headed to the same place and get to swimming! There are things I do to help with dealing with changes, mayhaps they will help you out also!

As a songwriter, I’m sure that it comes as no surprise that writing is my first go-to. I believe firmly that all words hold power and magic, and what we speak, we will then receive. When we go through the physical act of writing things down, we then have given a body to our words. It’s like knitting a sweater, you can look at that graph or pattern all day long, but until you get those needles going it ain’t gonna be a sweater and it ain’t gonna keep you warm when you most need it to. Our words are the same, if we want to see real change, then we need to actually see it!

The hardest part, I think, is learning what we can and what we can not affect change in. That one took me a long time, but I’ve learned tha mantra: “it ain’t my business”. The simple truth is, sometimes it’s just not your business, and until we address things within ourselves we cant effectively help anyone anyway.

If I know there is something I need to change, I tend to write it down, look at it and allow myself to try to see all sides of the thing I’m working on. When I’ve got it narrowed down to the actual thing, (instead of the six other things I’m trying to distract myself with) I make a plan and try my dangdest to stick to it. Fire and water are usually my first go-to when working on big changes. I write things down, and burn them, allowing the wind to carry things away from me that no longer serve me or my best interests. If it is a big problem, I may follow this same routine daily for weeks at a time. Changes don’t come without commitment and a little self sacrifice, again anyone who says otherwise may be still trying to figure out why their boar hog still hasn’t had piglets.

Change can be painful and uncomfortable, a bit like childbirth. But the end results are always worth it. If you want to, give the below a try! Maybe it will help you as we move through these seasons of change, personally, community-wide and as a country. As a dear friend of mine says, “The Tower has Fallen, it’s time to clear the rubble”. What changes can you make personally to help with that clearing?

Supplies

Fire safe dish. I have a little metal cauldron i use
Paper of any kind
Matches. (Lighters work but I prefer matches)
Pens, crayons, paints whatever writing implement you like. I like to doodle and paint and write things.

Write whatever thing you want to change on your paper. I often add a painted background or doodles that adequately convey and give a picture to what I’m dealing with. As I said earlier, our words have power and when we give them a body that power only grows. If we want to quit a habit, say smoking, just for an example. We can write the word cigarettes or we can draw a picture of the entire habit, the ashtrays, the cigarettes, the lighters, our bodies and its effect.

Then, write the words on top of that. Which do you think has more impact? (Smokers, don’t come at me!! Lol!! I smoked for several decades, I know the struggle is real and I continue the use of vaping.) I then burn the paper as many mornings as I feel it necessary, saying the words out loud as well. I keep the ashes in my cauldron until I’m ready to finally release it all into the wind and say goodbye to that thing.

Most of the time for me it’s often my own stubbornness and hangups I’m trying to let go off. Give your words life and let them heal you.

Often with me it’s music that heals me the most. My stories, my feelings stream out of me into lyrics and notes that create healing from within that changes all that is without. I wanted to share with you one of the biggest turning points and changing spaces in my life. The song Gods of War came out of a place of fear and sadness and learning to navigate the world around me in a much changed way. My mother passed and I was left feeling more lost and unsure then I had ever felt in my life. It took me five years to walk through that change. It was ugly, I can admit that. It was unfair to everyone around me and it was the most painful period of my life.

Yet again, my words came to my rescue. May they give you the encouragement to walk through your changes as well. At the end of the day, all we can do is to decide what kind of a life are we fighting for.

Many ships out on the horizon,
Will never see safer shore
Some must be offered up unto the sirens,
Others still to the gods of war.
But you’ve got a choice to make,
What are you fighting for?

“Gods of War” by Krista Chapman Green

My blessings and joy to you all. We have our communities, we have each other and we have ourselves. Try to remember kindness to all three, but most of all to yourself.

– Krista Chapman Green

For more information about Krista Chapman Green, including her collected articles here on Pagan Song, her bio, and links to Krista’s sites on the web, check out Krista’s page on Pagan Song.

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