Healing through Faith, Belief and Magic

It’s my Birthday, and Goddess do I feel blessed for this one!

As I sit here, feeling excited and looking forward to what this next trip around the sun has in store for me, the first 51 days of this new year also leave me feeling a little fearful.

I couldn’t believe the good luck when I was given the opportunity to write my first blog of the year on my actual birthday! Seemed most auspicious to me and a chance too good not to grab onto.

For those of you who have been playing along in the current saga of “what the hell is going on with Krista healthwise today”, I want to first say thank you. For those of you unaware I will give a shorthand version. I had to have surgery for diverticulitis, which wasn’t done correctly, which led to abdominal sepsis, and fancy new hardware on my abdomen, which hopefully can be reversed later this fall. Either way, I’m okay. This fancy little thing saved my life, and I am thankful everyday for the miracles of modern medicine that even make things like this possible.

It would be easy for me to say things just worked out, and that from here on forward I have no doubt that things will continue to improve, but that wouldn’t be the whole truth or even factual for me. Magic, faith and belief have me in this chair. To pretend otherwise would be like denying that the sky is blue and that grass will grow green. While I am aware of the varying shades of both, the facts remain. If one thing has been proven to me over and over through this ordeal, it’s the power of Faith, Belief and Magic. I am blessed with a bounty of folks in my life that walk all three of these roads in many different degrees, those folks and the intense power of my own Ancestors, that’s why I am here. I do not say that lightly or with any frivolity in my words. It is a very real thing that I sit with, acknowledge and accept and am in complete awe of every single day.

The Power of Ancestors

When medically and physically lying in ICU my body had no reason to keep going, it was my Ancestors who pulled me into the light and said clearly and loudly, “we go no further, this is where you will stay” with hands on my face, voices in my ears and eyes looking directly into mine. The women who raised me and dried my tears, who encouraged me throughout life, and corrected me when I needed it, along with one who shook her mortal coil long before I began my journey. It was these women who demanded the light remain and I remain within it. Their Faith and Belief demanded and commanded it and there I stayed. I will remember that night for the remainder of my life. Their faces, the love, the determination, the unwavering belief in their eyes that, as they said, it would be done.

The Power of Friendship

I am also blessed with the very best and most amazing group of friends any one human could ever have. The battlehorn was sounded and the immediate response was overwhelming. If you’re reading this and were part of these groups, please know I felt it. Every prayer, every ounce of energy, reiki, intentional thought, they came to me in waves and I feel it all still. Magic and Belief and Faith for me walk together hand in hand, a trinity of sorts I suppose I have built for myself along the years. The prayers and Faith of my Christian friends, the working and Magic of my fellow witches, and the love and Belief of my fellow earthlings, all of these things together allowed me to remain here, with you all, all the people that I so dearly love.

The Power of Music

Of course, music has also helped me through. I have loved the song I Am Healing by Ginger Doss for years, and now at this moment in my life, it has proven to be such a source of comfort and power. I am thankful for its message every single day.

Elders as allies

I know I’m meant to write something of my own healing magic in this, and there are things I have done. But those things too have come from some of my dearest people. I often lay my hands on my abdomen and remind it what an amazing job it’s doing at healing. Which was encouraged by a dear friend of mine, and I still dabble her war water on myself each morning, knowing full well the strength of her convictions, and that is real power. I lean into the power of what and who I consider my elders to be, which is something many of us have forgotten. Listen and find the people that you can call elders and then learn. It’s certainly not a term I take lightly and age is no determiner if someone fits this role. Find the people who you know you can trust and have faith in, and learn their particular magic. It’s not required to be the same as yours or even look the same as yours.

Facing the Mirror

Now for my personal magic, which I don’t know if it’s really magic at all or more of a belief in myself that this too shall pass. The hardest part in all of this was facing the mirror, standing naked and actually seeing this body and its myriad of changes. I am a little over 30 pounds lighter. The last time I was this thin was through the sickness and loss of my mother. If the weight loss had occurred at a normal pace and through healthy means I would actually be a healthy weight for my little 5’4” frame, but it didn’t. Instead my muscles have been ravaged in a effort to keep me going and my skin feels a bit like crepe paper that I am trying desperately to keep hydrated, my hair is a loss and I’ve realized and accepted a great deal of it will have to be cut, which may seem vain and unimportant, but for me it is a loss. My hair and I had made an agreement to continue growing until I had won the ‘longest bun braid’ award. And we will start over and begin this goal again. There is also the facing of the changes in the physical workings of my body. I now have a colostomy. Simply stated and said out loud, it’s a hard thing to face.

As I stood there looking at this new and changed body, the tears were hard to stop, but I have learned to recognize their own particular power also. I have spent the greatest majority of my life sweeping feelings under the proverbial rug. And tears had no real place in my life. I was taught that they do not change things or make things better, so they are wasted energy that could be used to actually do something. Well that, my friends , is a lie. My tears are welcome now and they have certainly helped to heal me, when I cry out what I’m angry about, what I’m sad about, what i’m happy about–these tears are cleansing and I am thankful for the release they provide.

I still look in the mirror and have moments of sadness and a million questions about what life looks like going forward. It’s a hard thing to process. How do I be a wife, how do I do all the things that I always do? But the reality is, I will, just like the thousands of other people who live this exact same life. I’ve sought those groups out and already they are proving to be a daily help and blessing and I remain ever hopeful this fall another surgery will take place to put my body back to “normal”. But if not, Im okay with that. This body has carried me through 51 days of hardships. And along with the Magic, Faith and Belief of myself and an army of people who inexplicably love me and send me all that energy, I will be victorious.

I am taking this year off, it was the hardest decision I think I’ve had to make, but the right one. Don’t worry, the music will continue and I have no doubt there will likely be 3 albums worth of material to share by this time next year.

Tools for Connecting with your Faith, Belief and Magic

My suggestions for you and Magic, if you, too are going through a healing process are as follows:

1. Feel the feelings

Cry, cry all you need to. I don’t care where you’re at, or who you are with, just cry, and holler too, it helps. Use all the curse words you want, let ’em fly. It’s okay to be angry, it’s okay to be sad, but you can’t stay there forever. So cry, holler, scream into the void, or scream at somebody, but feel.

2. Heal with art

Art, art all you can. Whatever art you do, get to doing it. I just ordered a set of watercolors and some paper. Do I know how to paint? Absolutely not, but right now it feels good to do. Holding my guitar is still pretty exhausting, but that little paint brush isn’t! So I’m gonna paint cute little hearts and teardrops and whatever else comes to mind, because expressing our feelings in a tangible way that we can see and touch and feel, is incredibly helpful.

3. Reflect through writing

Journal, write write write write it down. I just started a brand new journal for my birthday, a lovely thing my sister gave me last year and I decided now is the time to use it. Put anything you want in there. Mine is also housing all my blood pressure readings and what I’m eating, along with the roller coaster that is my emotional timeline these days. Write it down and then look back at it.

4. Accept help

Lastly, ask for help if you need it. Doesn’t matter if it’s taking the trash out or if you need help setting up a card layout and some explanation of what it means. There are folks who love you and will be happy to help, trust me. Ask for help when you need it.

5. Listen to healing music

I hope you’ve listened to Ginger Doss’ song I Am Healing, that’s earlier in this post. Here are a bunch more healing songs in a playlist Alane (Pagan Song’s editor) put together. If you have other suggestions, leave us a comment.

Life is never guaranteed to stay bump free, no roads go on smoothly forever. But with Magic, Belief and Faith you can survive the bumps and changes along the way a little easier.

I love you all, no matter who you are, and look forward to seeing all your bright and shiny faces down the road.

~Krista Chapman Green

For more information about Krista Chapman Green, including her collected articles here on Pagan Song, her bio, and links to Krista’s sites on the web, check out Krista’s page on Pagan Song.

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