Pagan Artist in Residency

An Update

In my blog post last summer, pagansong.com/a-pagan-artist-in-residency, I shared my experience applying to and preparing for an artist residency at Osage Arts Community (OAC) in Belle, Missouri.

Best Laid Plans

I arrived October 1, 2024, and settled quickly into the River House on the Gasconade River. Eager to begin, I set up my studio within the first three days, and dove right into recording music that I had already written. It was exciting to be in such a supportive environment, where rest and creativity are encouraged. Recording was going well, and I found my groove, pausing only for Saturdays, when I would volunteer at OAC’s Art Gallery on the main street in Belle.

Just three weeks in, I realized my vision was failing. By early November, I could not read without a 40x magnifier, and, of course, I could no longer drive. Within another three weeks, I could not see that beautiful river that was literally outside my bedroom window.

Supportive Community

Just weeks into my residency, I had the difficult conversation with my friend and OAC Board of Directors President Mark McClane. I explained that I was losing my vision rapidly (I used a whole lot more words than that), and that I would need to vacate my residency. My family was prepared to pick me up, pack me up, and get me back to Florida.

What happened next, changed my music, my creative process, and my life, forever.

Mark listened deeply, and when I took a breath, he said, “What would be different about your medical care if you went home, rather than if you remained here?”

I said, “Well, my family would have to take me to all my doctor appointments.”

Before I could add anything else, Mark simply replied, “We can do that here.”

The next couple of days, I was encouraged to re-think my beliefs about what I expected of myself and how much I viewed dependence on others as a weakness.

I did stay. Rides were facilitated. I had help in the studio, and for a few more weeks, I was still able to write and record. In April, I had my second successful cataract surgery, and I am back in the studio, writing and recording.

Days of Light and Shadow

Winter was a haze of light and shadow, and I spent a lot of time in my head. I woke daily to a dense fog; I even began dreaming that I could not see. And though I had very helpful, supportive roommates, I felt deeply isolated. Between all the moments of self-doubt, I sought clarity within.

A few key lessons are rising from my blindness and my experience here at OAC:

* Asking for help is not a weakness. It is an opportunity to connect and share our strengths. I am grateful to be part of several communities wherein we are expected to act responsibly, and also encouraged to reach out when need arises. I have been asking for help lately: reaching out to other musicians to play with me; requesting that folks listen and offer their thoughts on my work in progress.

* When my eyes failed, I had to re-think my entire creative process. I generally write stream of consciousness when I am in the flow. I put EVERYTHING down on paper. And once it is all there, I pull out the ONE idea that I must pursue, and begin again, writing everything down about that one idea. And on, and on, until I find the precise words before me. No longer able to read or write, I dictated random notes in my phone and held thoughts in my head, chanting single lines like mantras. I spent more time with my guitar and keyboard, allowing intuition to guide me. I am weaving new tools and skills into my work.

* Patience is now a part of my creative process. My lack of vision left me emotional and frustrated that I could not complete a task, a track, a song in a “reasonable” amount of time. My creative flow is shifting, and I am spending more time consciously engaging with my work. In an environment where how much time a thing takes is not relevant, I am learning to stop watching the clock.

* When I made a decision last year to travel less, I thought that I would work less. However, I am now writing and recording almost every day – something that I could not do with a busy tour schedule. I have found joy in this retreat and freedom to make music at will.

* I have lived in my own fiercely self-reliant bubble for so very long, and I am ready for a major shift. I enjoy interacting regularly with other creatives who are also exploring their own mediums and motivations. Poets, sculptors, painters, muralists, screenwriters, musicians, composers, visionaries, and people who deeply appreciate what we do … the organic conversations about individual process and art in general are my most favorite thing about this residency. Who knew that I would learn to value vulnerability and kinship in such a short amount of time?

* Experimentation is its own reward. It is wonderful to feel no obligation to show my work constantly or even finish a specific song or project. In fact, the music proposal that I submitted with my application early last year has changed direction as much as I have.

Inside Voice/Outside Voice

Since my arrival, I have released 7 songs that may or may not be part of a larger project. Exploring electronic grooves, sounds and effects, and a lot of vocal layering, Isolated, Elevate, and Unraveling Moon reflect my outside voice and the trepidation, hope and determination that I am ready to share with the wider world. Cicada Song, Promise of Snow, River House Waltz, and That Crossroads Song are deeply personal and acoustic. You can listen to these songs (and read the lyrics) and hear all my music at mamagina.bandcamp.com

My residency has been extended through October 2025, and I am excited to see what the next few months will bring. You may learn more about Osage Arts Community and their artist residency program, and keep up with my journey through these links.

mamagina.bandcamp.com

patreon.com/mamagina

facebook.com/mnemosyne7

Osage Arts Community osageac.org

For more information about Mama Gina, including her collected articles here on Pagan Song, her bio, and links to Gina’s sites on the web, check out Gina’s page on Pagan Song.

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