Pagan Sexual Communication in Song!

I recently watched the film The Wicker Man from 1973, the extended version which includes the scene with the song Gently Johnny. I was struck with how sweetly the song conveyed a sex-positive attitude about seduction and sexual communication, as does much of the movie. As pagans we celebrate sexuality and pleasure and respect one another as embodiments of the Goddess and the God. Many of our rituals include allusions to their sacred sexual union, like the coming together of the chalice and the blade when blessing the cakes and ale. There are sex magic rituals you can perform with your lover to connect even more deeply as the god or goddess. (Check out the list of books below for help creating such a ritual.) But before you can drop in that deeply and magically with your beloved, you must start with an understanding of how each of you finds bliss. Communication, understanding and consent are all important aspects of building up to having magical mind-blowing pagan sex.

Now, here’s a clip of the Gently Johnny scene in Wicker Man:

Gently Johnny lyrics

I put my hand on her knee
And she says, do you want to see?
I put my hand on her breast
And she says, do you want a kiss?
Chorus:
Gently, gently, gently Johnny
Gently Johnny, my jingo

I put my hand on her thigh
And she says, do you want to try?
I put my hand on her belly
And she says, do you want to fill me?
(Chorus)

Gently Johnny, traditional English folk song, as arranged by Paul Giovanni for the film The Wicker Man

How’s that for making a move and getting positive affirmation about what she was up for!

Pagan musicians have embraced Gently Johnny

We first learned Gently Johhny from Darragh Nagle, who saw the film in 1973 when it first came out. He immediately learned the song, and began performing it pagan festivals in the mid-70s. He says; “I felt it was my mission to share Gently Johhny with the pagam community at the time. I’d say; “Here’s a good one for ya!”, and play it in many of my concerts.”

Several pagan musicians have recorded it over the years. Here’s a version sung by Damh the Bard, very similar to that in the film Wicker Man. This is from Damh’s 2002 album Herne’s Apprentice. Notice that he has changed the chorus to; “Gently, gently, gently Johnny, won’t you lie with me?” He has also added a lovely spoken word passage to his track, taken directly from The Wicker Man film, spoken by Christopher Lee.

There’s another great version of the song from a woman’s perspective, by Michelle Mays. It’s on her 2003 album The Golden Section. Her version of the chorus is: Gently, gently, gently Johnny, gently Johnny, my jingo; Gently, gently, gently Johnny, gently Johnny, my love.” Want to see her performing it live with lots of audience participation? It’s fun and sexy! Here you go:

Pagans “having the talk”

As pagans we can take the Charge of the Goddess to heart, that “All acts of love and pleasure are my rituals”, and learn to talk openly and positively about our desires, wants and needs. But where to start?

It is actually helpful to have a conversation (or many!) before you ever get to the bedroom or wooded glen. Discussing what you like and don’t like should be an ongoing conversation as you get to know each other and also over time as your bodies change with age. You may also discover new things about yourself or new experiences you’d like to try, so keep talking!

Here’s a few tips for making the conversation go smoothly, and be a connective experience:

• Find a time that is not first thing in the morning or right before going to bed when you can both be at your best. Make sure there’s enough time for the conversation as well, so its not stressful.
• Sit facing each other and try to maintain some eye contact as well as physical touch. Make it flirty and fun.
• Share about what turns you on, what feels good, and how you like to be touched–to the best of your ability. This can include how much foreplay you like and what kinds of activities you are into.
• Take turns and ask questions to draw each other out. Let your partner(s) know that you are interested in what they have to say.
• Let the other person(s) know what your boundaries are, what’s off limits, and where your physical limitations are. If you can’t be physically comfortable in certain positions or have trauma around particular activities be sure to let the other person know. This doesn’t mean you should go deep into your trauma story, save that for another time if necessary. Right now its about keeping it sexy and positive so you can get more of what you want!
• Be sure to get clear on what is safe(r) sex to you and what you need to feel cared for. Also what kinds of birth control you are going to use, if that’s a consideration.

Sexual communication in action

Once you’ve gotten those things out in the open and are ready to get it on, you will have more opportunities to fine tune your experience through various types of communication. Some may be verbal and others non-verbal. A well placed “Yummmm” or pleasurable moan can go a long way to express your pleasure and encourage more of that!

But what to do when something is not quite working for you? Since criticism can be incredibly deflating (unless of course you already know your partner likes a little humiliation with their sex) I highly suggest you express what you WOULD like instead of pointing out what isn’t to your liking. Also called redirecting, you can ask for something totally different from what you are currently experiencing, like when I ask my partner to kiss my neck when he is uncomfortably sticking his tongue in my ear.

Or, you may just want to fine tune what is already happening. I will often say; “ooh right there and just a little softer” or “slow it down just a little” or “ooh that and a little to the left” and then “Oh yes! that’s it!” when they hit the spot. But that’s just me. You may want it harder, firmer, faster–so be sure to let your partner know. Most people really like doing a good job and guidance on how to accomplish that goes a long way.

Individuality and consent in pagan sex

Most importantly, keep an open mind and don’t judge, even if something your partner desires is not to your liking. It doesn’t mean you have to do it, but everyone wants to be accepted for who they are. Likewise, respect your partner’s “no’s”, but also look for where you can both compromise and possibly take turns playing out each other’s fantasies if they aren’t hard “no’s” but it’s also not totally your thing.

Desires are funny and sometimes weird and some come from wounded places we are working to heal. For example, exploring power in the bedroom through role play or bdsm is one way that some strengthen their sense of empowerment or ability to trust, when done well. You never know what you might find inside your own psyche that turns out to be an amazing turn on or a sex act that you discover just really hits the spot.

Trust me, I’m a doctor and a pagan priestess!

I discovered Wicca 35 years ago as a 16 year old girl and have been a pagan priestess with the Crow Women for the last 20 years. I am also a Clinical Sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and am available for consultations both virtually or in person if you live in the San Fransisco Bay area. https://www.drmelanierose.com/

Resources for pagans for sexy communication

For more information on sex positivity and how to better understand and communicate your desires check out these books, all of which I have recommended to clients as well as to my pagan friends!

• The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin
• The Guide to Getting it On by Paul Joannides Psy.D (A new version is coming out soon so look for that!)
• She Comes First: The Thinking Man’s Guide to Pleasuring a Woman by Ian Kerner
• Tongue Tied: Untangling Communication in Sex, Kink, and Relationships by Stella Harris
• The Art of Sexual Magic: Cultivating Sexual Energy to Transform Your Life by Margo Anand
• The Witch’s Heart: The Magick of Perfect Love & Perfect Trust by Christopher Penczak

You can find more of our perspectives on pagan music and sacred sensuality in the Love and Sex Magic section of our online Book of Shadows here on Pagan Song.

All acts of love and pleasure

Communication and respect can create a long lasting satisfying sex life for you and your partner(s). The Wicker Man, created in the sexually revolutionary times of the 1970’s, brings this idea to the forefront with the song Gently Johnny, showing how pagans can be free of the cultural hang-ups that pervade the rest of the culture. Since pagans see sex as part of the life cycle of creation and a potent ritual act to create more magic in our lives, we have the tools to heal the shame and inhibition that keeps many people from talking about their desires, transforming sex into a celebratory act where all acts of love and pleasure are our rituals.

And, for your listening pleasure, here’s Alane Crowomyn’s Spotify playlist of songs about love and sex by pagan artists. Why not listen to it with someone you love–perhaps yourself!

featured photo of sparkler heart by Jamie Street

For more information about the Crow Women pagan choir, and access to all the blog posts by Melanie and the other 9 crowsingers who have written for Pagan Song, you can visit the Crow Women author page here on Pagan Song.

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