The Promise

Do you believe that lovers and partners are meant to find each other?

Once upon a time, back in 2006, I was on my way to the airport with a friend. We were running a little late but we were both excited about the adventure that lay before us.

That was when the Lady decided I needed a clue! She touched that special place and started to sing a song…

“Tis thee I will wed, Love, if I wed at all…”

At this moment, I had been divorced from my first marriage for seven years. I had spent 28 years, raising 5 children and battling my partner’s emotional illness, before acknowledging our time was spent. I had quickly given up on any of the modern dating routines. Occasionally, I entertained the thought that someone else would come along if the gods decided it was right. So, I just let that part of life ride on the winds.

As my friend drove us to the airport she laughed as I frantically started to grab any writing materials I could find – napkins, receipts, even tissues! (That didn’t work, but I did find some paper towels!) I started writing as fast as the Muse was dictating! My instrument was safely stowed in the back seat so the tune ringing in my head had to stay in my memory. It just had to!

“It’s with you I’ll stay, Love, till Life’s shadows fall…”

Marriage, when it is not the first rodeo, can be filled with moments of great joy and with minefields surrounding melding both lives and families. This time, it is hoped, you are going into it with your eyes open. Then, you remember the “perks” of being single, like being the only one you had to answer to. Your kids – their kids – how do you not force the “our kids” on them? Sharing responsibilities again… sharing space and time again. Can we really do this?

“Tis thee I will walk beside, if not by myself…”

This new song that was being downloaded into my mind and heart was so confusing! I was not dating anyone. I was just starting to enjoy my singularity. I remember looking at the lyrics and asking “Why?” out loud. I had a feeling of a smile coming from Herself, the Goddess. I finally wrote everything down and found the right chords, and notated the melody. I even sang it a couple of times but it never felt like it was the right time or place. It was a curiosity in my bag of songs, indeed!

Fast forward three whole years… a friend challenged a group I was in to take one of those ubiquitous online tests. I wanted to play along, even though it meant signing up on one of the equally ubiquitous dating sites! My intention was to un-sign myself as soon as the results were available, but then there were a few interesting

responses to the temporary profile I had posted. (I have always held myself to strict standards of honesty, even for temporary profiles!) Two responders eliminated themselves rather quickly. However, there was that one…

“And your hand I’ll hold, love, wherever we may dwell.”

About a year later, I moved to Ohio to be with the second love of my life. Our friends and families gathered on a September afternoon as we celebrated our wedding. It was a milestone for us both and still, in many ways, neither of us was completely ready – but we did it anyway. And we did it our way!

The ceremony played along with the little country church norms his aging parents cherished. But at the reception… Ah, yes! That was where the Lady had her time to smile. I brought out my autoharp. I faced my new husband and I sang the vows that the Muse had whispered into my ear three years before!

“Tis thee I will hold, love, if you will hold me…”

Since then, I have used this song to help several couples think about the vows they were writing for their own ceremonies. The lyrics are a progression of recognition for the changes that joining two lives requires. They present a kind of honesty lovers don’t always want to acknowledge. The word “IF” is there, to remind them of two things: first, this is a real choice – and second, they remain themselves even as they join their lives.

A ritual of handfasting, of marriage, of joining – it is a step and a choice that will change lives beyond just the couple involved. That choice, based on love, may seem unconditional but it is not. That is the point of the song – and its beauty.

It is a Promise – with an intentional capital P! It is made knowing exactly where I come from. It is made knowing the hope of where it can take me together with you.

Yes, I will join you – if I choose not to be alone anymore. Yes, I will hold your hand and walk by your side as we go into our future. I am choosing this over a solitary path. Yes, I will hold you and comfort you if you will do the same for me. And yes, we can keep this up for however long a time we are granted to be together.

Take these pieces of thought and song, if you will, and add them to your own ritual of joining. Bring them into your celebration of anniversaries, your renewals as the decades pass.

Every time I sing this simple little song, I remember looking into my new husband’s eyes and making him this Promise.

T’is thee I will wed, love, if I wed at all
And with you, I’ll stay, love, till life’s shadows fall.
If I wed at all, love, if I wed at all.
It’s with you I’ll stay, love, till life’s shadows fall.

T’is thee I will walk beside, if not by myself
And your hand I’ll hold, love, where ever we may dwell
If not by myself, love, if not by myself
It’s your hand I’ll hold, love, where ever we may dwell.

T’is thee I will hold, love, if you will hold me
And your arms I’ll stay within, till our spirits run free
If you will hold me, love, if you will hold me
It’s your arms I’ll stay within, till our spirits run free!
“The Promise” by Virginia Ackley (c) 2006

For more information about Ginger Ackley, including her collected articles here on Pagan Song, her bio, and links to Ginger’s sites on the web, check out Ginger’s page on Pagan Song.

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