Celebrating Our Elders, Honoring Our Ancestors

A Gift of Song

Safely curled up in my tent after a wet Autumn festival weekend, I contemplated this: my last evening in the woods, the pre-Samhain introspection of the rituals and workshops, and my connection to my community and to our elders and ancestors.  A time for thoughts of rites of passage. Anticipating a heavy storm that evening, I had already packed out everything for an early morning departure.  The only things remaining in the tent?  My air mattress, djembe, tiny flashlight, wallet and keys.  As I settled in, Dina, one of my spiritual Grandmas, was heavy on my mind.  Her cancer was getting the better of her, and she was preparing us for her own crossing by making appointments with each of her “children” to bestow blessings and gifts.  I smiled remembering how she booped me on the head with a flower wand just two weeks earlier, and then gifted me with the wand because I “needed more silliness” in my life.

I closed my eyes but never my heart … and I heard the thunder, the rain, and “sisters waiting on the other side.”  I sat up, pulled my djembe into my lap and let the rhythm and the words emerge.  Some songs are a struggle to find, and I use every ounce of my songcraft to bring them into this world.  Sisters Waiting was not “found” nor was it crafted through my own songwriter’s vision.  Rather, it came to me and I knew it was important to listen, to remember, and to share. 

Now, I have a terrible memory, so when lightning strikes (as it did often that evening), I really need to write it down.  But, oh, the rain was coming down in sheets.  And so, in that tent in the middle of a rainstorm, I scrambled through my wallet and found the remains of a pencil and a drugstore receipt – you know the kind – a mile long.  By that flashlight, I scribbled the words, notated the rhythm on the back of that receipt, and played and sung softly through the night to bind Sisters Waiting to my heart.

The Goddess Speaks

… children, they will come and they will grow
… mother holds you while you’re in this world
… grandmother’s wisdom’s all we need to know

I did not realize in the moment that the Goddess was revealing herself as maiden, mother and crone right there in the words.  It just happened.

… the owl, the red-tailed hawk, the butterfly

I did not know how many people would identify with these symbols of wisdom, freedom and redemption in the years to come.  The words just happened.

The Goddess had one more message for me, and oh, I did not know if I could do what She asked.  I had been practicing Sisters Waiting and preparing to go into a studio to record my first song ever as a Pagan artist.  A couple weeks after writing the words in that storm, a group of us met and Dina was there wrapped in blankets, close to the fire.  Spirit said, “Share your song with Dina.”  I argued that playing a song for someone’s dying before they are gone is hardly appropriate.  Spirit said, “She might be able to hear it a little more clearly now.  Better not wait.”  And that is how I came to sing at the feet of one of the most tricksy, cranky, wicked, kind, wise women I have ever known.  Her song for her own passing.  We wept while I sang, and we laughed after.  I am ever grateful for the experience.

Months later, we sang Sisters Waiting in ritual to honor Dina’s crossing.  Drum and voice … a voice alone … a chorus of remembrance.  We sing, we grieve, we celebrate, we remember.  Ten years after receiving this Divine message through song, I am humbled that my pagan funeral chant continues to be sung as a bridge to remember so many of our contemporaries and elders who have become our ancestors.

Creating Rituals of Remembrance

Full disclosure:  My father was a funeral director and I spent some formative years living with my family in the back of a funeral home.  Dad always said, “Funerals are for the living.” 

In fact, I wrote a song about that–The Undertaker’s Daughter. It’s a song honoring my Dad.

I’m the undertaker’s daughter – I grew up with the dead
Peeked inside their coffins – Touched the pillows ‘neath their heads
I still hear my Daddy’s voice – In the silence all around
“We’re here for the living.” – Then he left without a sound

from The Undertaker’s Daughter by Gina LaMonte, title track of the album The Undertaker’s Daughter

So many years and crossings later, I see that our Pagan rituals of remembrance are unique to each community and they truly are for the living.  Memorials and celebrations of life are most effective when they reflect and honor our loved one, our loss, and provide an opportunity to collectively and individually let go.  Some of the most beautiful remembrance rituals I have attended were crafted with careful attention toward allowing and directing community members’ range of emotion.  It is possible to craft a beautiful Pagan ritual that also honors and welcomes non-Pagan family members of the deceased.  A service might be structured like this:

1.  Pre-ritual

Community gathers outside ritual space, free to share more private expressions of grief amongst themselves and with family members of the deceased.  While this is often an organic occurrence, communicating a time frame such as 30 to 45 minutes ahead of the beginning of the ritual is helpful.

2.  Creating space

Drumming and/or joyful chanting while entering and filling a circle/space helps establish that the community is celebrating and remembering a life.  One of my favorite chants is a simple one:  “The earth, the air, the fire, the water, return, return, return, return.” Note that if you have an elaborate practice to create sacred space, you may want to do that while folks are out of sight in a pre-ritual space, and then invite them in. 

3.  Welcome

Short and sweet, welcome the community, the non-Pagan family members, acknowledge your new ancestor, and let folks know what’s going to happen in circle.

4.  Eulogies and Remembrances

I admit that if you are a facilitator, much of what happens here is out of your control.  So be it.  Make the rest of the ritual parts short and sweet so that there is plenty of time for remembrance, eulogies and short stories, because this is the heart of the service for most attendees.

5.  A ceremony of letting go

For me, this is always the most deeply moving part of a crossing over ritual.  Perhaps you handed out cords that you now ask folks to cut as a symbolic gesture to allow that soul and each of us to move on without forgetting.  Maybe you gave everyone a small tealight to light in this moment and then snuff to represent the letting go.  No matter the device, they keep the momento to re-connect and let go in the days ahead.  A moving musical representation of this energy may help focus all gathered.  I have sung Sisters Waiting at this moment in ritual.  I think another lovely choice is Your Voice Still Lingers by Crow Women.  And there’s a wonderfully curated Summerland playlist on Spotify with many more pagan funeral chants and songs, by Pagan Song’s editor.

6.  Closing

Drums, chanting and music are all wonderful options to shift to joyful energy as you close the circle.

If you would like to share Sisters Waiting within your own community rituals, I would be most honored, and would love to hear back from you.  You can reach out to me at mnemosyne7@hotmail.com.  You can find all my music from the first Mama Gina song Sisters Waiting to my most recent work She Walks the Stars at https://mamagina.bandcamp.com.

I’ll leave you with the full lyrics of the song.

Sisters waiting on the other side
Sisters waiting on the other side
The veil is thin and the body’s tired
Sisters waiting on the other side

Children, they will come and they will grow
Children, they will come and they will grow
We give them life and then we let them go
Sisters waiting on the other side

Mother holds you while you’re in this world
Mother holds you while you’re in this world
Her embrace is slipping from her little girl
Sisters waiting on the other side

Grandmother’s wisdom’s all we need to know
Grandmother’s wisdom’s all we need to know
As she passes, so we all will go
Sisters waiting on the other side

The owl, the red-tailed hawk, the butterfly
The owl, the red-tailed hawk, the butterfly
The journey’s long and you have wings to try
Sisters waiting on the other side

Sisters waiting on the other side

Sisters Waiting by Gina LaMonte, from the album Goddess Kiss’d

For more information about Mama Gina, including her collected articles here on Pagan Song, her bio, and links to Gina’s sites on the web, check out Gina’s page on Pagan Song.

Please subscribe to the Pagan Song blog, to receive our blog post each week. Don’t miss any of the musical magic!

Visit our homepage to see the full list of the musicians who write for the Pagan Song blog.

Pagan Song has a fan club on Patreon. Join for as little as $3 a month for exclusive features! Click for info.