Power Struggles: Group Development, Part 4 - Pagan Song: Music for Your Magic

Groups are born and grow just as people do. In our previous discussion of group evolution over time, we’ve looked at newly formed groups, in posts on bonding, on dependency and on anxiety. In this post and the next one, I’ll talk about the second phase of group development.

The term for the beginning stage of a group is forming, and the term for this second phase is storming. It’s easy to feel the group move into this stage: politeness wanes, chatter rises, and it’s hard to get the group to settle down and do ritual or whatever task is at hand. Members begin to push for more power and autonomy, and spats between people arise.

You’re not the boss of me

A new group is often like a child, somewhat dependent on its parent-leaders. What happens when the group leaves childhood behind?

Counter-dependency happens. It’s a lot like teenage rebellion. As people gain confidence in the group, they will very often seek a greater share of power. That’s a good thing—it shows commitment to the group. If you’ve been the leader up to this point, it is very likely that your leadership will be challenged. The healthiest response to this is to share that leadership. If you’ve been getting emotional satisfaction from your position of authority as high priestess or priest, this might be difficult for you. But having all of the power usually means doing most of the work, including the interpersonal work. Most clergy (or pagan band leaders) will burn out and lose their joy in the group if they try to do and be everything. Wicca is about personal power, and that means working out healthy ways to empower everyone in the circle.

I like to think of it as emotional judo. A group member pushes the leader, challenging their authority. The smart leader steps aside like a black belt in the dojo, and lets the person’s attack flow right past without resistance, or harm to either person. “You always decide what the music for the ritual will be!” says the member. “You’re right. Why don’t you pick the songs for the next ritual, then?” the leader answers, smiling. Delegation has occurred and the challenge has been turned into something constructive.

Work the energy

The storming stage brings an uptick in various types of interpersonal conflict. Because the group members are moving from a polite, edited version of themselves into a more authentic versions, flaws and all, there will naturally be more tension. People may be disillusioned with one another and even feel betrayed when they realize just how human everyone is as the masks come off. Just as happens in a romantic relationship, the ideal self that is offered in the beginning just can’t be sustained. The people find themselves having to decide whether they can accept the real, interesting, annoying and imperfect people they now find themselves in relationship with. Some people will leave the group at this point if that answer is “no”.

There’s also a tendency at this point for factions and cliques to emerge. It’s not unusual for there to be some people backing a member who is seeking a share of the leadership of the group while others support the original leaders. All this is normal and natural.

At this stage, you might want to ritualize some of the energy that is coming up in the group. When the time of year arrives for the struggle between summer and winter, why not plan activities to let off some steam? Have members dress as summer and winter and have a play fight, perhaps with foam noodles. A tug of war can also capture that energy and offer it to the gods. Play some rowdy children’s games to siphon off the hostility, and if you’re brave, process it afterward by sitting in circle and talking about how the competition is a mirror for the wheel of the year as well as the current process in the group.

Sing it out

When counter-dependency is on the rise, issues of personal freedom are particularly ‘hot’. This can be a great opportunity to examine the spiritual side of freedom. Why not encourage those who are itching for a share of responsibility to plan a ritual for Artemis that explores freedom and independence?

Personal power songs can capture this energy nicely, too. Have a look at this post and also this one for ideas for exploring strength and courage using our song Warrior Woman. Another wonderful empowerment song is Warrior Goddess by Lisa Thiel. If you go with the flow of the energy rather than resisting it, the group will move more easily through this chaotic phase into the consolidating phase that comes next.

When a group is in stage 2, it’s not quite yet the time to set up formal structures for sharing leadership (that will come in stage 3), but it is a time to informally make space for a wider sharing of responsibilities. This is paganism–personal power is what it’s all about. Use this time to encourage members to step into their place of power and self-acceptance.

In the next blog post in this series, we’ll continue to discuss the storming phase, with an emphasis on how to respond to the natural diffusion of focus that’s common in stage 2.

cover photo of antelope by jean wimmerlin on Unsplash

For more information about the Crow Women pagan choir, and access to all the blog posts by Alane and the other 9 crowsingers who have written for Pagan Song, you can visit the Crow Women author page here on Pagan Song.

Please subscribe to the Pagan Song blog, to receive our blog post each week. Don’t miss any of the musical magic!