Forming a New Pagan Circle: Group Development, Part 1

In this series of posts, we’ll take a journey through the stages of group development that all groups go through. A pagan circle is like any other group—it follows predictable patterns of human behavior. I taught a class on group dynamics throughout the 28 years when I worked as a psychology professor, so I’ve thought a lot about this. In this series, I’ll show you how a clearer understanding of group development can bring you some useful insights into the behavior of the people you circle with. With this knowledge, you can help your group develop in a healthy way—and avoid some common pitfalls.

Stage One: The “Forming” stage

The first stage of a group has been dubbed the forming stage. It’s the beginning. I once replied to a personal ad in my local paper advertising for people interested in forming a coven. When that group of strangers came together, we were definitely in Stage One. At this phase of a group, people are self-conscious. They wonder how they’re coming across and whether they’re accepted. People’s natural tendency is to be polite and a bit cautious—I know I was. I wanted to know who these other people were and whether I was safe with them. This feeling will be especially pronounced for those entering a pagan group for the first time. If you’re leading a group at this phase—or you’re a perceptive member wanting the group to work—there are things you can do to help.

Make time to get to know each other

At meetings, or built into your rituals, give people a chance to exchange information with each other. Some people can jump in and talk about themselves in front of a large group, but just about everyone can talk one-on-one, so I recommend setting up situations where pairs interact. Most people really do feel more comfortable if they have basic information about other group members.

This process will feel more meaningful if the activities you choose are pagan-related. For example, at Samhain, while honoring a ancestors, participants could pair up and talk about their early memories of their grandparents. A little personal history, a little spiritual depth, and the two people are no longer strangers.

Have some fun

Playfulness is a good way to help people in a new pagan circle get past their awkwardness. It’s easy to have fun at Beltane—perhaps you could paint spring flowers and Green Man leaves on one another’s arms and faces. Doing this can also help overcome the initial barrier to physical touch, in a safe way.

Games are another good ice-breaker for a new group. In a previous post, I offered up a party game you could try: Pagan Mad Libs. It takes some time, but time invested in helping the group start bonding through laughter is time well spent.

In our circle, we like to sing silly songs. One of our songs that you can have fun with, too is I Am Flame, a song for leaping over the fire. It’s on our album Crow Magic. You could have a contest to see who can make up the silliest variation on the lyrics. You learn a little about each person, too, by what they choose to put into their verse. “Blessed as I leap, and I shout ’cause (fill in the blank)! Hey!”

Work together

Working on a task together is another great way to help a group bond. Try this: divide the group into three teams. Ask each team to design a part of an upcoming ritual that will help everyone feel more at ease and make the group more cohesive. I guarantee, people will set up exactly the activities the group needs for the place it’s at. The ritual may be chaotic, but some Forming Stage issues will be addressed.

What activities have you used to help a new pagan class or circle get comfortable with one another at the very start? I invite you to share ideas in the comments section.

In my next entry in this series, I’ll talk about another feature of newly-formed groups: dependency. As we continue our consideration of the forming stage, we’ll look at new groups’ tendency to be passive, to idolize leaders and to fear making mistakes.

This post is adapted from an article I published in 2010 on my first blog site: “The Pagan Arts”.
I offer a workshop on stages of group development. Message me through our FaceBook page if your group is interested in booking me to do that workshop with you.

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