Weaving Patterns: Group Development, part 6

All groups go through a predictable arc of development. Pagan bands, covens and study groups are no exception. In this series, we give advice for leadership for each stage. We offer ideas for pagan rituals that work for your group, meeting it at the place it’s currently at, and helping it move forward in a constructive way. And, of course, we suggest a few songs that are particularly appropriate for a group’s current phase. This article is about a stage called norming, which is partway through the group development arc. Norming is an act of love and committment, of weaving a pattern for your group that will help it thrive in the years to come.

Five stages of group development

This series of articles uses concepts from 5-stage theories of group development. (Yep, I have a Ph.D. in social psychology and taught this stuff for years and years.) There’s a lot of action in the first two stages, so each merited several blog posts. We began with forming, the beginning phase of a group, with articles about getting aquainted, and about the dependency and anxiety that are hallmarks of new groups. After that we explored the storming stage, with articles about its characteristic power struggles and flightiness.

If a group survives its passage through the beginning two stages of forming and storming, it enters the norming stage. This third segment of a group’s trajectory is a time of rapid development. Members have worked out enough of their issues around acceptance and power to be able to focus in on hammering out the group’s norms. In this article about norming, I’ll describe how a stage three group can successfully weave together a structure of rules and practices.

I’ll post an article about each of the two remaining stages later this year. A group that has stabilized and is achieving its functions is in the peforming stage. The fifth and final phase is called adjourning–that’s the stage when a group disbands.

Stage 3: Weaving the group’s norms

It’s during the norming phase that a group develops structure. In this stage, it has enough clarity about what it’s trying to do to formalize its rules. My own group, the Crow Women, began as a Goddess Spirituality circle and only later became a pagan band. So, we went through two different norming stages.

Our group began as the “Open Women’s Circle”, in 1992, with few rules about format or membership. As the forming stage progressed, the group bonded. People became close enough and were invested enough to work through the struggles of storming. Then, we passed into a norming stage when we created our “ground rules”. We named ourselves the “Crow Women”. We worked out membership rules. Before that time, any woman could invite anyone she liked to rituals. As we worked out our ground rules, we decided to become a closed group whose rituals would be open only to members. We set up roles and a way to select who would fulfill them. In 1996, we joined Covenant of the Goddess, whose own set of expectations stimulated us to formalize our priestess training system and write a mission statement.

It was a few years later that the Crow Women began performing in concerts and decided to make our first album, Crow Goddess, which was released in 2006. We went through an additional series of steps, including a forming stage of bonding as musicians and a storming stage when artistic conflicts came to the surface. It was clear we had entered the norming stage as a band when we sat down and negotiated a written band agreement.

A group that invests in norming has the advantage of being able to make decisions and take action based on a clear and neutral set of rules, rather than outcomes being based on personality or weilding of power. Nations do this when they write a constitution, businesses do this when they create articles of incorporation and a business plan, other organizations do this by writing bylaws. Couples may do this by creating pre-nups, wedding vows and family rules.

Weaving together weaves everyone in

If a group works out its rules collaboratively, the members are likely to feel closer as a result. Once the power issues of storming have been settled, there is less emotional ‘noise’. Members who were not cental to the storming (usually those with lower need for power) may come out of the woodwork and really shine during this phase. The group may discover hidden talents and skills as it develops roles and looks for suitable members to fill them.

For example, groups need to make plans and record and communicate their plans. Who is good at taking minutes? Who has the skills to set up an online calendar? A group will need resources to do its thing. Who likes collecting dues and tracking money? Someone may enjoy these tasks and be good at them. Or, if no one relishes them, how will the tasks be rotated among members in a way that feels fair?

A true and essential fact of group behavior is that a person will feel more committed to maintaining rules they have been a part of creating. Having a voice creates ‘buy-in’. Members of a group who are fortunate enought to have been part of the norming process will be much more likely to give their effort to make those structures work. For this reason, it’s our philosophy that everyone should have an equal voice in creating and revising group rules.

Weave, unweave, reweave

Of course, the norm development process is not usually one-and-done. Inevitably, challenges will arise from within or without the group that the rules made no provisions for. Even though the group may have passed into the stable plateau of stage 4 peforming, it will need to cycle back into norming to consider solutions and tweak the group’s norms and agreements.

New members go through their own personal trajectory through the stages of development within the group. A flexible and healthy group will support them in working through their forming and storming journey. A new member may arrive at the norming phase of really examining the group’s norms and have a fresh perspective that draws the group as a whole back into self-examination. Perhaps the group will choose to make some changes as a result. New colors and designs will be woven into the group’s tapestry, keeping it vibrant and alive.

Questions to ask as you develop group rules and norms

What agreements about our behavior do we want to formalize? For example, following the Wiccan Rede, respecting confidentiality of members who are in the ‘broom closet’.
How will we respond to rule violations and other conflicts?
How will we make decisions? Who has input?
What communications needs do we have in order to stay organized? How will we satisfy them?
What patterns will our schedule have? For example, will we celebrate all Sabbats as a group? Full and/or new moon? What are the norms for attendance at ritual?
What roles do we need in the group in order to function? Some examples: leader for meetings, keeper of the ritual stuff, treasurer, online calendar editor, mediator of conflict, representative to outside groups.
How will people be assigned to roles? Will they be elected democratically? Will everyone take turns? How long will a person remain in a role?
Who is qualified to be a group member? What is the process for admitting members? Are there levels of membership with different rights and responsibilities? Can former members participate in certain ways?
How will members contribute to the resources needed for the group? Are there dues? Fund-raising events?

A weaving ritual to honor the norming process

Norming is a creative process, a sacred act, an act of commitment. All that hard work of negotiating a group structure deserves a ritual of celebration. You did it! You constructed the loom your group will weave itself onto moving forward. You warped it, establishing the potential for a beautiful and magical pattern. You have begun to thread the weft through the warp by living within that pattern, together.

It’s time for a weaving ritual! As this is a ritual about agreeing to shared roles and responsibilities, I suggest that you make sure everyone has a part to play in enacting the ritual.

Select a place and time

For this ritual, it’s especially important to schedule it when everyone can attend. The ritual should take place in a location that’s special to the group.

Research and prepare for the Ritual

As you prepare, you might like to learn about weaving deities, such as Spider Woman, Neith, Athena or Frigga. Also relevant are sacred beings associated with law and structure, such as Themis, Ma’at or Varuna. One direction to go would be to ask everyone to learn about the same Sacred One, she or he whom you’ll be invoking in the ritual. Another choice would be to assign each member a different Weaving or Law deity to learn about and bring into the ritual.

Gather materials

For this ritual, you’ll do some weaving magic. I suggest making a frame and setting up a simple warp on it. Obtain some yarn, twine, ribbon and/or strips of cloth to weave onto it. Strips of paper can work, too.

Dress for the ritual

I suggest robing for this ritual, as it’s a rite of passage for the group as a whole, the time when it’s accepting its adult responsibilities to live together within consensual rules. So, if you have a form of dress that you use for important ceremonies, you might use that. If not, dress in a color that makes sense for formalizing agreements, such as white.

Cast the circle

If you’ll be using yarn or thread on your loom, you might literally draw a circle with it as you cast, either laying it on the floor/ground, or having those present hold it in their hands.

Call quarters

Assign someone to write quarter calls, or let volunteers do them extemporaneously. Look at the things you created rules for, and assign them to quarters. For example, you might honor your agreement to listen to one another when you call the east, your agreement to share the work of the group when you call the south, the roles you’ve created when calling the west, and your agreement about tangible goods and money when you call the north.

Call in deity

Call in the deities you’ve selected.

Focus on your intent

This ritual is a binding spell. You’ve selected a structure for your group, and now you’re binding all of yourselves into that agreement. Have someone make a short speech to remind everyone of the magical nature of this choice.

Meditate

A guided meditation to meet one or more deities of weaving or law would fit well here. Or, perhaps you’ll visualize the web you’re weaving, as it exists on an energetic level. Afterward, let each person share about their experience. To set the stage for the meditation, you might use the classic pagan chant “we are the flow, we are the ebb, we are the weavers, we are the web.” Here’s a nice, soothing version of it.

Do a little magic

Let each person weave the materials you’ve prepared onto the loom. If you have something that can be written on (like broad ribbon or paper) you can actually write abbreviated versions of your rules on it. If not, let each person read aloud a section of the rules and make a knot in the material to represent that agreement. In this photo, you can see a weaving that was created by adding a length of yarn for each idea. (The warp was twine, set up in advance.) This was done by a large group. For a small group of people, use a small frame.

Raise energy

Use a weaving song to raise energy. I recommend using the song Weave and Spin. When you are going through the norming phase, you are truly “taking the dream and making it real”. If you have enough people, you could do a spiral dance as you sing.

Weave and spin, weave and spin
This is how the work begins
Mend and heal, mend and heal
Take the dream and make it real.

On the same wheel we spin
Into life and out again
One is many, many one
Brewing in Her caudlron

Strand by strand, hand over hand
thread by thread we weave the web
Weave and Spin, recorded by Reclaiming on Campfire Chants: Songs for the Earth

Ground the energy

Take the energy you’ve raised and ground it into your loom. The loom is now a unique magical artifact holding your group’s structure within its weave.

Release the circle

Thank the quarters and deities, then release the circle.

May your group pass gracefully through the norming stage, weaving a pattern both practical and magical!

The next article in this series will explore stage 4 of group development: the performing stage.

For more information about the Crow Women pagan choir, and access to all the blog posts by Alane and the other 9 crowsingers who have written for Pagan Song, you can visit the Crow Women author page here on Pagan Song.

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