All things have a lifecycle. Groups and organizations are no exception. A coven, a pagan organization, or a pagan band is like a person. It is born, it grows, it lives for a time, and, eventually, it dies. Its life may be short or long, but it cannot last forever. Music can be part of making ending a pagan group a more sacred experience. The fifth stage of a group, its ending, is know as the adjourning stage. This post is the eighth and final installment of my series on the stages groups go through, which started with this post. And now, like all things, this series comes to its conclusion.
Friends, now our meeting is over
from “Sisters, Now Our Meeting is Over”, recorded by Libana on “A Circle is Cast“
Friends, we must part
And, if I never see you anymore
I will love you in my heart
Categories of Endings
There are many types of endings. They might be expected or unexpected. They might be quick or gradual. They might disband the entire group or just disengage one or more individuals. Whatever kind of ending is at hand, engaging in the parting with sacred intent can make the experience more meaningful.
Expected endings
Some groups were always intended to last for only a period of time and then end. For example, a Wicca 101 course may run nine or thirteen meetings. Then, it’s over. Other groups may come together for a purpose, with the expectation that they’ll disband when that purpose is acheived. For example, a committee may form to put on A Winter Solstice Singing Ritual, expecting to dissolve once the performance is over.
Some of these endings exist within a larger framework that continues: the school or organization goes on, even though this particular effort has come to its end. Still, any temporary group (whether or not it’s within a larger group) will benefit from attention to its adjourning phase, even is that phase is brief.
Organic endings
Many groups are formed with no pre-determined ending in mind. People may come together to form a circle or a CUUPS group. They may found a national organization for witches. They might buy land and set up a commune or retreat center. They may form a pagan music band like those featured here on the Pagan Song blog. Members get a group going and figure the group will just continue on into the future.
All the groups you belong to will come to the end of their lifespans someday. It may take weeks, it may take hundreds of years, but all things end.
There are a range of symptoms that appear when a group is coming to its end organically. People may begin to sense that energy is waning, that things in the group are winding down. As circumstances change, the group may not be meeting members’ needs, and they begin to vote with their feet, attending less frequently or leaving the group. When a lot of members have left, those remaining may find themselves re-evaluating the viability of the group.
Now, it is true that when it seems like a group may be heading to an end, members might devote themselves to preventing that from happening. When a marriage is in trouble, dedicating effort to pulling things back together can save the marriage. Likewise, many groups have a wake-up call, focus on saving the group, and experience a renaissance. Like the phoenix, it may arise from the the ashes, to “die and be reborn again” as in the Abbi Spinner song.
Others move into the adjourning stage, and the group ends.
Individual and subset endings
Adjourning doesn’t necessarily involve everyone. Teaching covens operate with the intention that a dedicant will complete their training and then go out into the world to start their own group. In any group, a member may leave because they’re moving away, or because the group doesn’t fit their lives anymore. Sometimes, several members leave together. For example, a subgroup with different interests or priorities from the mother group may hive off a daughter group. These partial adjournings also benefit from the strategies described below.
Marilyn’s article about waypartings has more ideas for separation rituals. It focuses on the ending rituals for couples, as well as for bidding farewell to a departing group member.
I wrote You Have a Place Here as a song for initiation, but it also works as part of a ritual of departure. We have used it in that way to say farewell to a members who were moving away as well of those we’ve lost through death. The lyrics provide reassuance that although “you depart someday, someway; still you will have a place in our heart”.
Crafting a good ending
The central task of the adjourning stage is to achieve closure. Instead of drifting away from one another, create an ending that feels complete. Ritual helps members move through this process in a way that’s satisfying. Ending a pagan group can be fraught with feeling, and music is a potent vehicle for helping to express and release feelings.
I wrote The Handparting Song for individuals, couples and groups to use for the adjourning stage. It’s on the Crow Women’s second album, Crow Magic, which has many songs for rites of passage. Ending the relationship with a group can certainly be a rite of passage.
I honor all our memories
The lessons they impart
I wish you well, good journeys
Goddess bless, merry part
Three of the goals of an adjourning ritual are to reflect, to appreciate and to say goodbye. It may be tempting to just let a group disintegrate without marking the event, especially if the ending is painful. Or, people may be anxious to just move on. But, consider having a closing ceremony.
The group can create sacred space in whatever way is its usual practice. Perhaps you cleanse and charge the space, cast a circle, address the four directions, and sing one of the group’s favorite songs to align the energy. Then, for the body of the ritual, design ritual activities that help achieve closure.
Refelect on the experience.
The end of a group experience is a fruitful time to think back over what you have learned personally. Perhaps it was information. Perhaps it was skills. Perhaps you came to understand yourself better.
Within the ritual, each person could express this by making a collage or other piece of art. Then, you could go around the circle and let each member talk about a few highlights of their artwork’s meaning.
Each member could write a few lines of a poem that expresses what they gained from being in the group. Then, these can all be joined together into a group poem and read aloud.
Similarly, you could take a song and have different members each write a verse for the song. They can be stitched together and sung as part of the ritual. You could use any song all the members know. Or, you could use The Handparting Song (see above). Let each member write a verse and reassure them that it doesn’t matter whether it rhymes. Just three lines about the group, and the ending line of the verse; “Goddess bless, merry part”. An example might look like this.
You brought me to my power
I’ll hold you in my heart
I thank you for the music
Goddess bless, merry part
This lends itself naturally to the group singing the chorus together after each person’s verse:
Merry part, go in beauty
Merry part, go in peace
Merry part, with compassion
From our vows we release (you can replace “our vows” with “our group”, or the actual name of the group)
Especially in a group that was created in order to accomplish a purpose, adjourning is a fruitful time for assessing how well it has achieved what it set out to do. In a class, there would be grades. In any group, it’s possible to evaluate how well the group did. This is especially important if the group will be using the skills in the future or putting on a similar event again. Some types of evaluation are best done outside of sacred space. Still, a summary within a ritual can remind members of the sacred nature of their work.
Reflection can speak to both the heart and the head, can be both emotional and useful for ending a pagan group.
Appreciate and celebrate
If a group is mature, people might give feedback to one another about what they have meant to the group. If there may be a lot of difficult feelings, this may be best done through a talking circle or series of talking circles, with the goal bringing out feelings and putting them to rest.
But if the group is in a loving place, I recommend making space to honor each person. Let each person take a turn in the center. Other members can express what that person has meant to the group, with a focus on their strengths and contributions, and what about them is lovable. The ending is a wonderful time to give and receive appreciation. We all like to hear “thank you”.
There’s a natural tendency at the end of a group’s time together to review its experiences together, talking over old times. Perhaps during “cakes and ale” you could take turns telling stories about the group’s life. It’s a bit like having a wake–funny stories can be the best ones. Laughing together helps relieve tension and move the group through the emotions of parting. Raise a glass and toast the past!
Say goodbye
I recommend that you have a moment that clearly marks the ending. Say goodbye. Use a ritual action that makes this physical.
If you have group objects such as altar equipment, let each member take part of it, symbolically breaking the whole into the individual parts that will go their separate ways. Or, you can begin the ritual with some object that is then cut apart and dispersed. For exmple, we once released a member by casting circle with yarn passed from one person to the next around the circle. We laid it on the ground for the ritual. At the end, we cut it into a piece for each of us to take away. Similarly, you could disperse a bouquet of flowers.
At the last, let each person hug each other person and say goodbye.
The development of groups over time: A review
This brings our journey through the stages of group development to its end. Here are links to all the articles on this series.
- Stage 1: Forming. The group is born
- Stage 2: Storming. The group goes through growing pains
- Stage 3: Norming. The group commits to itself
- Stage 4: Performing. The stable group lives its life together
- Stage 5: Adjourning. Ending a pagan group
- Endings (this post!)
As has been mentioned before, a group may not go through these stages in a linear order. A stage may be skipped over. In that case, its issues will often pop up later on, though. Internal or external pressures may send a group back to revisit an earlier stage and perhaps process it more deeply. And the loss and addition of members may bring the group back to rework earlier stages.
You can nuture your group’s development by keeping an eye out for the predictable issues of group dynamics outlined in this series. The key point is to realize that it is normal, even inevitable, that the interpersonal issues described here will arise. Don’t take them personally. It’s all part of the lifecycle of groups.
May pagan music be the soundtrack of that life.
cover image “goodbye”, photo by Renee Fisher on Unsplash
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Thank you Alane, for your wise words and comments about the ending of a system. Since we are all part of many groups in our lives, formal and informal, we are better off if we can keep perspective on the development and ultimate disbanding of these groups. You have given us a great foundation to keep us balanced when these inevitable partings occur.
Glad you found this post useful. I find that if I put down the relationship (partner, group, job, whatever) that I’ve been carrying, I can enter into the next thing with open hands.