Shared sorrow is lessened, shared joy is increased.
– Spider Robinson, “Callahan’s Crosstime Saloon“
Like Spider Robinson’s band of misfits that find each other at the fantastical Callahan’s, my music finds the listener and joy and sorrow are shared, thought not always in equal measure.
There have been times during my career that I focused on centering joy within my music. But it is hard for me to write happy when I am happy. I am too busy being happy and am not compelled to write the thing down. Sorrow, however, takes its toll from me. Denial of my darker emotions is dangerous, and if not expressed, I might collapse under the weight of my own grief. And so, I pick up the guitar,write through the tears … and share.
Harder
2020 was a year of collapse, not just for me, but for everyone. Of course, festivals and my entire tour calendar came to a halt. I was drifting with the rest of the planet in a sea of worry, isolation and depression, dealing with the deaths of loved ones. I could not silence the rage I felt around social injustices and environmental collapse. Harder was written in those moments of despair where sorrow connects with sorrow and pain recognizes pain. I was compelled to write a love song for the times and for the world around me. I wrote the love song that my own heart needed to hear.
I know you’re tired … but there’s still babies dyin’
I know you want to sleep … but these bullets flyin’
I know you need to rest … this storm’s still comin’
We got to do our best … we can’t stop runnin’Life is hard … I’m gonna love you harder
Got to try … harder
Excerpt of lyrics from “Harder” by Gina LaMonte aka Mama Gina, re-released on the album “Never Trust a Girl With a Guitar” (c) 2023.
Uvalde Lullaby
My response to the May 24, 2022 slaughter of 19 children and 2 adults at Robb Elementary in Uvalde, TX was to weep and write. More than anything, I felt this tragedy deeply as a parent of a child who had participated in those active shooter drills. Everything felt so out of my hands on those days. I couldn’t be there in the moment to say, “Don’t worry. It’s just a drill. Nothing bad will ever happen.” We were lucky … yes, simply lucky. Because this is still happening … over and over again. My son has grown into a world where the terrible happens every day.
My heart was broken in a way that was difficult to put into words. And I really wanted to break the hearts of everyone around me, as if sharing my grief would make everything just a tiny bit more bearable. This was a lullaby from parent to child in the midst of horror.
Lullabies are soft and sweet … not because life is soft and sweet, but because it is ruthless and monsters are real. We shush the babies, our children, so that they will not cry out and wake the monsters on the other side of the door.
Hush now
Evil walks
Breathe ye soft
And be still
Quiet now
Doors are locked
You are on your own
I’m not here
You are all alone
With your fear
If ye live, run to me
If ye go, find me in my dreams
Hush now
Evil walks
Breathe ye soft
And be still
Breathe ye shallow
And be still
“Uvalde Lullaby” by Gina LaMonte aka Mama Gina, released on the album “Never Trust a Girl With a Guitar” (c) 2023
Song For the Dying Sun
I was gently grieving the loss of my mother, and my alter-ego Ava/She Walks the Stars was writing the elegy for a dying star, light years away and 30,000 years into the future. At the time, I did not realize how tightly our stories were entwined. After all, I was a Pagan bard in the present, and Ava was at the center of a space opera that was writing itself, consuming my every waking hour, and taking up all the oxygen in my room. But even light eventually fades and grief has a way of tasting like the salt from my tears, no matter where it comes from. Ava and I were both drowning in futility and seeking hope in the embers.
I speak for the Sun – Her fading light
Travels a million years through the night
Touches my eye – A spark in the gloom
In this moment of grace, I am the moon
I am barren and broken and I sing her light
She’ll dance on each facet and fault in my life
Sometimes I forget I don’t shine on my own
In this sacred embrace, I am not alone
So I sing the Sun – I sing the light
Ever remember and carry your ember on through the night
I sing your rise and I sing the fade
Every bit of you that lives forever until the end of all days
I sing the Sun – I sing the Sun – I sing the light
Bright through my skin, to the bones lie within
You expose me for all that I am
I run for the shade – You reach for my hand
I can’t live without love, And you love me like nothing else can
So I sing the Sun – I sing the light
Ever remember and carry your ember on through the night
I sing your rise and I sing the fade
Every bit of you that lives forever until the end of all days
I sing the Sun – I sing the Sun – I sing the light
Lyrics from “Song For the Dying Sun” by Gina LaMonte aka Mama Gina, released on the album “She Walks the Stars” (c) 2021
Can’t Be Your Sunshine recorded live at Brownwolf Manor House Concert 2016 in Texas. Videographer: David Abigt
Can’t Be Your Sunshine
Songwriting is therapy. The truth will show up when and where you least expect it. Once upon a time, I sat down to write something light about my home state of Florida. The line “water stands ’cause it’s got no place to go” fell from my heart and onto the page with such ease that I didn’t even notice it at first. Three lines in, this song was not about Florida. Two years before we spoke of divorce, I was smiling through an awful marriage, and this song wrecked me with its honesty.
Slow march of sandhill cranes
Summer long drivin’ rain
Water stands, ‘cause it’s got no place to go
Comin’ storm, clouds will cry
I think I may never get dry
Old oak limbs hangin’ heavy and low
And it occurs to me that I don’t love you like the breeze on my skin
I think it’s safe to say I can’t love you like this rain – never endin’
Fallen short of every promise that I’ve made
I can’t be your sunshine in the shade
Excerpt of lyrics from “Can’t Be Your Sunshine” by Gina LaMonte aka Mama Gina, released on the album “Firewood & Rust” (c) 2020
Shared Sorrow
I truly believe that we do not have to experience hardship to produce wonderful works of art. But life happens and the raw emotion at the core of this songwriter radiates. It is tangible and escapes into my work. If you have ever wept during a house concert or were touched by any of the music in this post, know that our comingled grief, our tears, our sorrow was meant to be shared.
May you find solace and courage in the days ahead, and when you feel all is lost, may you find music.
For more information about Mama Gina, including her collected articles here on Pagan Song, her bio, and links to Gina’s sites on the web, check out Gina’s page on Pagan Song.
Featured photo is by Magda Ehlers.
For another take on music and grieving, check out this wonderful archived Pagan Song post Music and Our Mighty Dead.
Visit our homepage to see the full list of the musicians who write for the Pagan Song blog.
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